WARNING: This article contains sarcasm and is laced with tongue-in-cheek writing. Read at your own risk.
When I was much younger and obviously naive, I made the incorrect assumption that everyone in the world had a strong desire to succeed and achieve great things in their limited time on this earth.
After many years of coaching and consulting plus doing massive amount of research about people, human nature and the way our brains work, I am now more convinced than ever that a majority of people really have a stronger desire to fail in life rather than to succeed.
With my hands thrown up in the air and a heavy sigh coming out of my mouth, I write this article for those people that are tired of hearing about success principles and just want a few super quick and easy tips on failure.
This article is for the anti-success crowd.
Unfortunately, you may or may not know if you belong in that group.
Years of experience has convinced me that a person can follow these 5 simple steps and fail miserably at anything and everything they attempt to accomplish.
For those that are whining that 5 steps are too many, you can probably cut corners and just implement a few of the steps that follow and reach the level of semi-failure. Which is still a failure. Maybe just a failure with a slacker attitude.
Without any further delay and because I know that most failure minded people aren’t really into “reading”, here are the quick and easy steps to becoming a pro at accomplishing nothing in life:
1. Be a Jerk - Dale Carnegie wrote a fantastic book called How To Win Friends and Influence People. You should NOT read that book. If it existed, you should read How To Repel People and Piss Off Everyone Around You. Be loud. Be obnoxious. Think only of yourself. Never be interested in what other people want or desire. Combine this with #2 and #3 below and you will reach levels of failure reserved for some of the biggest losers and jerks in history.
2. Be a “Know It All” - claiming that one knows everything and shutting down all ability and desire to learn new things is one of the keys to complete failure. In fact, this may be the shortcut that ambitious failures really crave. This is closely related to #1 except that some “know it alls” keep to themselves and never share with others how they are experts in everything. Jerks have a strong desire to tell the world that they have obtained incredible amounts of knowledge and they will not rest until everyone knows how smart they are.
3. Stop Listening - also related to #1 and #2, but with a slight twist. You should never pay attention to what anyone else says. Ignore other points of view. Be closed minded. When other people are talking, the best strategy is too ignore what they are saying until it is your turn to talk again. Or…even better, just interrupt anytime someone tries to tell you something or provide you with valuable feedback or information. You can hasten your path to failure by loudly interrupting (see #1) and telling the other person that you know all the answers (see #2).
4. Never Focus - if you have made it this far in the article and you really want to fail like a pro, you should immediately stop reading and go search for cat videos on YouTube. I will make it easy on you, CLICK HERE NOW. And if you ever find your self working diligently toward anything that may be worthwhile and important, CLICK HERE or HERE.
5. Quit - if you have attempted every other failure strategy but you continue to see success creep into areas of your life, then the best technique to implement is the strategy of doing nothing. Just quit. Give up. Combine quitting with a “what’s the point of exerting any effort anyway” attitude and you will fail at mach speed.
BONUS TIP - after you have quit pursuing any worthwhile endeavor and you have embraced a life of failure, you can really reach the upper echelons of the anti-success lifestyle by continuously blaming other people for your position in life.
"Icing On The Cake" BONUS TIP - you will also get bonus failure points if every word out of your mouth is laced with self pity and a whiny tone about how unfair life is.
When I was much younger and obviously naive, I made the incorrect assumption that everyone in the world had a strong desire to succeed and achieve great things in their limited time on this earth.
After many years of coaching and consulting plus doing massive amount of research about people, human nature and the way our brains work, I am now more convinced than ever that a majority of people really have a stronger desire to fail in life rather than to succeed.
With my hands thrown up in the air and a heavy sigh coming out of my mouth, I write this article for those people that are tired of hearing about success principles and just want a few super quick and easy tips on failure.
This article is for the anti-success crowd.
Unfortunately, you may or may not know if you belong in that group.
Years of experience has convinced me that a person can follow these 5 simple steps and fail miserably at anything and everything they attempt to accomplish.
For those that are whining that 5 steps are too many, you can probably cut corners and just implement a few of the steps that follow and reach the level of semi-failure. Which is still a failure. Maybe just a failure with a slacker attitude.
Without any further delay and because I know that most failure minded people aren’t really into “reading”, here are the quick and easy steps to becoming a pro at accomplishing nothing in life:
1. Be a Jerk - Dale Carnegie wrote a fantastic book called How To Win Friends and Influence People. You should NOT read that book. If it existed, you should read How To Repel People and Piss Off Everyone Around You. Be loud. Be obnoxious. Think only of yourself. Never be interested in what other people want or desire. Combine this with #2 and #3 below and you will reach levels of failure reserved for some of the biggest losers and jerks in history.
2. Be a “Know It All” - claiming that one knows everything and shutting down all ability and desire to learn new things is one of the keys to complete failure. In fact, this may be the shortcut that ambitious failures really crave. This is closely related to #1 except that some “know it alls” keep to themselves and never share with others how they are experts in everything. Jerks have a strong desire to tell the world that they have obtained incredible amounts of knowledge and they will not rest until everyone knows how smart they are.
3. Stop Listening - also related to #1 and #2, but with a slight twist. You should never pay attention to what anyone else says. Ignore other points of view. Be closed minded. When other people are talking, the best strategy is too ignore what they are saying until it is your turn to talk again. Or…even better, just interrupt anytime someone tries to tell you something or provide you with valuable feedback or information. You can hasten your path to failure by loudly interrupting (see #1) and telling the other person that you know all the answers (see #2).
4. Never Focus - if you have made it this far in the article and you really want to fail like a pro, you should immediately stop reading and go search for cat videos on YouTube. I will make it easy on you, CLICK HERE NOW. And if you ever find your self working diligently toward anything that may be worthwhile and important, CLICK HERE or HERE.
5. Quit - if you have attempted every other failure strategy but you continue to see success creep into areas of your life, then the best technique to implement is the strategy of doing nothing. Just quit. Give up. Combine quitting with a “what’s the point of exerting any effort anyway” attitude and you will fail at mach speed.
BONUS TIP - after you have quit pursuing any worthwhile endeavor and you have embraced a life of failure, you can really reach the upper echelons of the anti-success lifestyle by continuously blaming other people for your position in life.
"Icing On The Cake" BONUS TIP - you will also get bonus failure points if every word out of your mouth is laced with self pity and a whiny tone about how unfair life is.
Tim Winders has over 25 years experience as a business owner, entrepreneur, coach and consultant. He specializes in helping businesses, organizations and individuals grow and expand. If it is time for you or your business to get unstuck and experience increase, CLICK HERE to schedule a FREE Growth Assessment and Strategy Call with Tim.
